You once asked me, “how do you want to be loved?”

Outwardly, I scoffed. Inside, I was freaking out. “You plan on falling in love with me?”

You rolled your eyes as if saying, “Duh, Angeli, what do you think?”

I told you I just wanted to be seen. You leaned in and reassured me, “I see you” —- and you did. 

Thank for for seeing me. For seeing past the pretensions I put up. For tearing down whatever walls I had and for knowing who I really am. You never gave in to my bullshit, never tolerated my self-pity. You made me feel like I was beautiful everyday because I knew that you understood me better than anyone else and more than anyone ever did. 

All I’m thinking of right now is how we are never going to ride the goddamned Pasig River Ferry.

And that thought is really killing me. It hurts so bad.

Getting your heart broken literally hurts. It hurts everywhere.

If I could go back and choose, I would still pick this path and have my heart broken by you.

Thank you for the love, even if it isn’t meant to last. I am a different person now because of you, and for that I am grateful.

Why is it so easy to say things that hurt?

Will this heal or will this hurt?

It’s an odd feeling seeing someone you used to know (love? lol) living their life happily and making it big in their chosen field.

No matter what I may say at times, I am so happy for you. 

What a C R A Z Y week it’s been!!!

My life really just went from 0 to 300 in a snap. While my love life has been on hold, the other parts of my life have gone into overdrive and now, I have so many things to do.

I’ve been sleeping late but waking up early. At first it was a side effect of my ~feelings but now I’m waking up early out of necessity. 

SO MANY THINGS ARE GOING ON AAAAAAAAAAAH

I forsee myself getting burned out but I hope it never reaches that point. I need to de-stress myself somehow throughout this sem in order to stay sane.

I can feel myself slipping into something self-destructive but I find myself barely caring

I’ve been waking up really early since I’ve gotten back. The initial jetlag has since given way to an anxiousness that’s been clawing at my insides. I’ve always had a small irrational fear of sleep, more so now, and so, my body’s been in some state of high alert. I feel like at any given moment, I am prepared to run. It takes a conscious effort to calm myself.

I’ve had a great morning though, so far. I woke up seeing a bright sky and I woke up thankful.